Reading time about 5 minutes
Context
Henri Nouwen echoes Christopher Bollas (first panel
discussion in this series) here: “Many voices wonder if humanity can survive
its own destructive powers. As we reflect on the increasing poverty and hunger,
the rapidly spreading hatred and violence within as well as between countries,
and the frightening build-up of nuclear weapons systems, we come to realize
that our world has embarked on a suicidal journey”. He describes our
society as “a dangerous network of domination and manipulation”, with
unsound values and compulsions to be important, enjoy pleasures, be noticed, and
exercise power. (Nouwen, H.J.M. 1983)
Time set aside from hectic work lives (and
invasive work technologies) is ultimately about ‘being’, about our humanity,
about what Pieper calls “a condition of the soul”, about the nurturing
our hearts. He calls for a “contemplative attention to things”. (Pieper,
J. 1963) This also implies that the heart should be viewed as something far
beyond being merely an organ that regulates the flow of blood. Thomas Cowan
gives a superb explanation of the amazing physics of the heart, and also touches
upon the form-making and life-giving role of the spirit in the functioning of
the heart. (A subject for another long discussion!)
(Cowan, T. 2022)
Nouwen offers the following (although we could
as easily have drawn insight from the Dalai Lama, Thomas Merton or any number
of others seasoned in the ‘spiritual realm’):
Solitude
In his Way of the Heart, he taps into
the ancient wisdom of the 4th century Desert Mothers and Fathers.
In the transformational furnace or desert of
solitude we are able to escape the pull of the digital world, media ‘noise’,
hostile and strident argument; and become deeply aware of what is happening in
our World and how best to respond. It seems counter-intuitive to become immersed
in what may feel like a ‘doing nothing’ state.
Here we are not talking about taking periodic
time out to leave the field of play and pause in a short retreat – in an attempt
to ‘balance’ our compartmentalised work/ home/ social lives. Rather, our
purpose is to seek solitude as a serious, ongoing, primary practice. In
solitude we plumb the depths, struggle, discover the ‘reasons of the heart’,
encounter something bigger than ourselves, learn to be calm, non-judgmental
(which erases the distance between us), find beauty, and become compassionate
to others.
Belgian - American poetess and novelist May Sarton once recorded that part of a real life “… is time alone in which to explore and to discover what is happening or has happened. Without the interruptions, nourishing and maddening, this life would become arid. Yet I taste it fully only when I am alone”. This meant too that “… sometimes one has simply to endure a period of depression for what it may hold of illumination if one can live through it, attentive to what it exposes or demands”.
(Sarton, M. 1992)
Silence as respite from words
In solitude we find silence and respite from
the wordy world we inhabit and are can be sucked into all too easily. Chinese
philosopher Chang Tzu (who believed that chasing after wealth and personal
aggrandizement was folly): “I would like to talk to the man who has
forgotten words”. (Words are used to convey ideas, and once the ideas have
been grasped and understood, the words have served their purpose and may be
forgotten).
If speaking words gets us involved in and
tainted by the world, then silence is a pilgrimage away from that. Words and language,
can mislead, confuse, and deceive. Silence guards the fire within and yields
the wisest thoughts.
The fire within allows us “to offer warmth
and light to lost traveller’s” that we come across on our pilgrimage. A
pilgrimage that is activated because of times of solitude.
We speak too much. We are silent too seldom, too little.
Yet silence teaches us to speak with power –
because in silent solitude we touch the Divine.
We need to learn (in this noisy, turbulent,
harsh and strident world) to become comfortable with silence, to be blessed by
silence.
In the silences that occur within conversations, speeches, counselling, and coaching interventions, we can learn to receive, soak up, digest fewer words more meaningfully, more fully - because they become imbued with presence. (Presence is elaborated upon in article 5 of this series)
“Silence of the heart is much more important than silence of the mouth”. It becomes a quality of “heart” that is grown in silence (non-judgmental, non-condemning, accepting, appreciative, embracing, loving).
(If all beliefs begin in the heart, then the
heart is the place where consciousness is raised and is the start-point of
discovering our interconnectedness and unity)
And in a sense, silence is a mysterious language:
Mother Teresa once
said, “When I pray, I just listen.” A puzzled reporter queried her about
this statement, asking “What does God say, Mother? What do you hear from God?”
Mother Teresa’s response: “God says nothing. He just listens”. (Rapsas, T.
2022)
Prayer
Words can often become superfluous.
For those who pray, a prayer of the heart
consists usually of just a few, simple, focused, heartfelt words. Repeated
often.
“Unceasing prayer gives solitude and
silence their real meaning”. (Nouwen, H. 1983)
Full of ourselves
Is it possible to carry out the practices and
reach the state suggested by Nouwen? Counter-intuitively find how to see with
the heart, discover a new, liberating reality?
One
day the teacher pours a cup of tea while the student rambles on. The tea
reaches the brim of the cup and begins to overflow. The teacher continues
pouring. More and more tea spills.
The
student shouts out, “Teacher the cup has long been full. Stop!”
Says
the teacher: “So are you. So full that there is no more room to learn”.
Maybe a pure heart is empty of ego, self has been emptied…yet whole and full of love for others? Single - ‘minded’ in this way?
Story Bridging
Story bridging is a heart process.
“The idea of bridging story is of a story
that builds a bridge based on well- researched fact, truth, sensitivity to the
other’s worldview, knowledge of self and inherent bias, humility, on communicating
non - violently, and a genuine searching for common ground, a measure of
self-emptying, and an allowing for connection beyond what is rational. Not
prescribing an outcome. (When people begin to inquire together new
possibilities, new ways forward begin to open up”. (Williams, G. et al 2022))
For practitioners the preparation phase of the process begins with acknowledging a polarised relationship; followed by research and inner work in a number of areas (including mindset, visualisation, exploring the topic, the other, unearthing biases, prejudices and barriers within) and arriving at a readiness to reach out with the right intent.
Preparation may be the longest part of the story-bridging process. It is an act of love aimed at acceptance and inclusion. Quiet, alone time is an important part of this preparation phase.
Counter-intuitively, solitude promotes
connection.
There is a downside to the heart-led approach
that we need to be aware of, and that is the question of transference and
counter- transference, said to be present in all social-relating. “Your heart is fully transparent in all its beautiful hues and
ugly blemishes. Not only is it transparent to the other, but far more so than
it is to you. What is opaque to your inner gaze is clearly visible to the gaze
of the other”. We unconsciously convey what we desire
from the other person (conditioned by parental, association dynamics) and this
implicit communication is in fact stronger than what we actually convey
verbally, explicitly. Becoming aware via self-analysis is there a worthwhile,
albeit challenging endeavour. (Farah, S. 2022)
But a huge upside. The heart is what enables us to raise our consciousness and escape from a binary, dualistic system of operating and judging that is driven by ego (either/or based on difference). Instead we are enabled to move to a non-dualistic, beautiful heart-mind (and/both) where "the heart is primarily an organ of spiritual perception, a highly sensitive instrument for keeping us aligned..." with a deeper reality, with what we know in our innermost beings. (Bourgeault, C. 2008)
2. Can the ‘way of the heart’ trump sound reasoning, logic and solid argument – and if so, why?
3. Have you (and if so, how have you) benefitted from the experience of solitude and silence?
4. In the Story-Bridging process, much emphasis is placed on the ‘heart-mind’. How do you apply this in your work?
REFERENCES
Bourgeault, Cynthia (2008) The Wisdom Jesus. transforming heart and mind - a new perspective on Christ and His message Shambhala
Cowan, Dr
Thomas, M.D. The Heart is not a Pump! You Tube
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kUCBEKO3IJc
A tool to identify
your transference: understanding your unconscious communication in relationships Centre of Applied Jungian Studies (CAJS), 1st May,
2022
https://appliedjung.com/identify-your-transference/
Nouwen, Henri J.M. (1983) The Way of the
Heart Ballantine Books, NY
Pieper, Josef (1963) Leisure. The Basis of
Culture Pantheon Books Inc, Random House
Rapsas, Tom (2022) A Crash Course in the
Language of God Patheos 25 August, 2022
https://www.patheos.com/blogs/wakeupcall/2022/08/a-crash-course-in-the-language-of-god/
Sarton, May (1992) Journal of a Solitude
W.W. Norton & Company
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