THE HIGHEST VALUES AND PRACTICES
Values and practices, behaviours go hand in hand, and we continue to look at these as we share the experience of lockdown because of the coronavirus crisis.
Social connection
We humans are all conditioned by our acculturation, socialisation, upbringing and experiences, and represent an infinite number of differences, variations, diversity. But we share a primary need, an intrinsic motivation to connect and to belong.
On Abraham Maslow’s famous needs hierarchy, being loved and belonging is followed by finding our self-esteem on the path to self-actualisation. Self-actualisation encompasses becoming prosocial and compassionate.
Published in 1845, Hans Christian Andersen’s Ugly Duckling is referred to by Jungian analyst and storyteller Clarissa Pinkola Estés as “a psychological and spiritual root story ... one that contains a truth so fundamental to human development that without integration of this fact, further progression is shaky ...”
She illuminates, “… when an individual’s particular kind of soulfulness, which is both instinctual and a spiritual identity, is surrounded by psychic acknowledgement and acceptance, that person feels life and power as never before. Ascertaining one’s own psychic family brings a person vitality and belongingness”. (Estés, C. P. 2008)
At this time of ‘social distancing’, the imperative of connecting to self, those relationships that have weakened over time, and to others – is very real. A good practice to consider is that of non-violent communication (Live and on-line). Here the topic and focus is not about an issue, demand, judgement, or accusation. It is about the sharing of needs and requests, and being gentle – between people, or our internal conversation within different parts of ourselves.
Perhaps we can be more mindful of how we see, sense, notice and feel things both positive and negative – 'hold' that without bypassing nor analysing (yet), accept, be honest in sharing with others, and at the same time practice soothing. (This is of course easier said than done, and those in a basic condition of contentedness will be better off, find it easier). Part of mindful relating is attentive listening (which theologian and existential philosopher Paul Tillich referred to as ‘an act of love’.
Connected relational values such as civility, trust and respect, inclusivity are far harder to earn than to lose. We need to learn to see the wounded child and amazing potential in the other and in ourselves. (The Zulu greeting sawubona means “I see you”, and the answer, ngikhona, means “I am here”).
Part of our connecting, for those lucky enough during this time of lock-down, may happen during the playing of games, building a puzzle together.
Herodotus (The Histories) tells how the Lydians during a time of great scarcity and famine, occupied the people for 18 years with game play – inventing the ball, knucklebones, dice. (The casting of lots by Roman soldiers for Christ’s garments is preceded by many mentions in the Old Testament). (Viewed against the Lydians' 18 years, we have a way to go yet!)
Jane McGonigal PhD, Director of Games Research and Development at the Institute of the Future, believes passionately that games can play a part in leading us to the reinvention of human civilisation. She says: “Collaborate, or perish, is perhaps the single most urgent rallying cry for our times”. (McGonigal, J. 2011)
Love and Compassion
Therese of Lisieux lived what she taught, that we may not be able to solve or control the bigger picture or what happens, but moment by moment we can do little things with great love, “What matters in life are not great deeds, but great love”. “One word or a pleasing smile is often enough to raise up a saddened and wounded soul”. One of those "little" things that remain important during our current crisis, is listening. To the other person, our own bodies and sensing, across boundaries of all types ... one way of moving from 'me' to 'we'.
Professor Mia Leijssen (Experiential/Existential Psychotherapy at University of Leuven in Belgium), offers a self-assessment, an “experiential exercise to situate yourself in an ‘existential landscape of love’. It covers four realms (physical, social, personal, spiritual). If you wish to do the test, then I have her permission to provide you with it. Contact centserv@iafrica.com
And here is something we can all reflect on at this time:
As a universal (not specifically Christian) reflection consider a Samaritan, who comes across a robbed, beaten-up man lying on the notorious ‘Way of Blood’ road from Jerusalem to Jericho, bleeding and dying.
The dying man is a member of a race that avoids and hates Samaritans.
But the Samaritan has compassion, doesn’t practice any social or physical distancing, perhaps risks catching a virus, goes to the man’s aid, pours expensive wine and oil on his wounds, bandages them. Puts the wounded man on his donkey, thus putting himself at risk of attack by robbers.
He takes the wounded man to an inn, looks after him, then leaves the next day, pays the inn keeper and gives instructions that the man be cared for until he, the Samaritan, returns, when he will (joyfully!) reimburse the innkeeper for any extra expenses incurred.
Nothing abstract nor especially rational in the Samaritan’s actions. But the living of the highest value.
When you reflect on this story, imagine that the Samaritan, and the man he comes across - are different parts of yourself, and imagine how you can show self-compassion to your hurt and bleeding part.
Vincent Willem van Gogh’s The Good Samaritan (In the Public Domain)
Kristin Neff helpfully advises that self-compassion may be applied in this way:
• Be non-judgmental of yourself, be kind to yourself
• Be aware that everyone is in the same boat/ this is the human condition. You are not alone!
• Simply accept painful thoughts mindfully without over-identifying with them
(See: www.self-compassion.org)
Self-compassion readies us to extend compassion to others.
References
Estés, Clarissa Pinkola (2008) Women Who Run with the Wolves: contacting the power of the wild woman Rider
McGonigal, Jane (2011) Reality is Broken Jonathan Cape London
WHEN SPEED COUNTS
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