Using the royal we, we are not arrogant enough to put to much store by our own importance,
nor believe that we have any right or ability to nurture humankind! We are the
ones needing the nurturing.
Being Held (I sure do miss
being held by a woman) - Alan Chapman - 10/4/22-23/9/22
I sure do miss being held by a woman
That warm embrace like I'm a child like
I'm a new man
'Cos what's the point if I can't live
without you
And you don't want me how I am to be my
true self
Should I deprive me of my soul
Or should I find my space to be
Fulfilled in other ways that is
Unless until let go another place
I sure do miss believing I'm a human
being
More like the kiss of peeling skin is how
I'm feeling
Is it natural bodhisattva to be lonely
And can we actu'lly be somebody alone
Should I deprive me of my soul
Or should I find my space to be
Fulfilled in other ways that is
Unless until let go another place
Maybe it's because my Mum died a few days
ago and I never held her as she died. Maybe my Mum never held me enough, so I
didn't hold her enough and I couldn't hold her enough. Maybe it's because my
Mum was from the London slums and a drunk for a dad. Maybe it's because he used
to rage at my Nan, and my Mum, and her sisters when they were kids. Nana died
in a big mistake, though she was a rock from the slums, sepsis at 52. Routinely
beaten and abused by a drunken men. It's a cascade. Trauma torments and broken
dreams, never meant it, and holding was the cost we gotta pay. We gotta keep
paying the cost of the debts of the traumas and addictions to the very few that
have everything they think they're needing, to keep it in their families while
we're bleeding from our hearts. And our babies torn apart, and no wonder that
we all crave a holding....
https://alanchapman.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/10/BeingHeld2oct2022.mp3
The song reminded me of one of my favourite
verses, an encouragement for all, and which may be paraphrased as:
“So do not fear. I am with you and will comfort,
support, strengthen and help you. I will hold you and uphold you with my
unlimited power and love”. (Isaiah
41:10)
Trauma, depression, fear, despair and ‘holding up our mirror’ and seeing
whast it reflects, may lead to us facing our inner demons, and to post-traumatic
growth, to a more attractive ‘imperfection’, to unheard-of creativity…
British public servant and
writer Humphrey Trevelyan was of the view that the best artists need to
experience despair, “… must be shaken by the
naked truths that will not be comforted. This divine discontent, this
disequilibrium, this state of inner tension is the source of artistic energy”.
I believe that we need also to know and feel what
we face before we can respond adequately with hope, and appropriate
possibilism. Blind optimism and positive thinking simply won’t cut it.
Today I listened to Dr Gabor Mate being
interviewed by Thomas Hübl. (Maté, G. 2022). Wonderfully incisive, he questions the very
nature, purpose and conducting of civilization as it is today.
We talk glibly about ‘the new normal’. Maté
immediately points out that normal does not equate to healthy and
natural. If everyone mistreated the dog would that practice become ‘normal’?
Many ‘normal’ people reach the top in our society.
So, the acceptance of racism, of
totalitarianism, patriarchy is not normal and should be resisted. The same
applies to our approaches to economy, society, environment, today’s structures,
divisions, hierarchies, behaviours, left-brain dominance, some of the values we
have adopted, many of the new ideas being foist upon us, the presence of unnecessary
stresses, the uneven spread of power. As well as our lack of connection, lack
of loving acceptance, lack of expression and participation in laws promulgated
and how countries are run, and lack of meaning and purpose for many.
Recent evolution and ‘progress’ has moved the
huge majority of humanity away from nature and our true nature, so we now live
in a world foreign to us. We have trauma and unmet needs due to this
ab-normalisation, symptoms being the likes of alienation, depression.
What follows are thoughts from Story
Bridging (mainly Chapter 2: Walls) that are intended to outline the
challenges (and opportunities) that we face at this time. A case of knowing the
battleground and of knowing your ‘enemies’. To recover our care, compassion, gratitude, wonder,
creativity and a degenerating culture.
Deep systemic issues are raised in this first discussion.
By sharing our feelings, experiences, insights, through our stories we
contribute to the emergence of a collective of kindred spirits, and to a raising
of collective consciousness.
The beautiful lotus plant rises out of murky
depths.
Why the rise of darkness and hate?
An explanation of how Western civilization is
fractured, wounded, traumatized, and in severe psychic and existential pain,
has been offered by psychoanalyst Christopher Bollas. This psychic pain manifests in disconnection
from meaning, purpose, values, nature, relationships. In his comprehensive
analysis of the factors that have led to the prevalence of a paranoid, combative,
separation and division mindsets in society, often accompanied by indifference,
poses one of the key questions of our time:
“Freud wrote that the opposite of love was not
hate, but indifference. But if socially conscious selves of all classes have become
indifferent to flagrant violations of economic and human rights – thus
empowering a significant portion of the world’s population to descend into an
underworld of greed, corruption and hate - is this lassitude in fact licensed by a form
of hate?” (Bollas, C. 2018)
Can we be so harassed and manipulated that we
become listless? Can we become too defeated to care? Using the Bollas in-depth
analysis as a start-point, we have developed a macro view (in broad, cryptic
terms) to illustrate the trends (main narrative strands), their behavioural
consequences, and what needs to be regained or recovered by the collective.
Underlying Forces and Factors
The underlying Forces and Factors that have
been driving Western culture at an accelerating pace over the past few
centuries, are:
● Industrialisation, consumerism, and a
continuous - growth paradigm
● Institutionalism
● Extensive travel, and easy movement of
people, goods, and ideas. Globalisation
● Societal and market norms driven by power
holders and power wielders (banks, wealthy elite, politicians, military might,
technology and media owners, educationalists, and religious leaders) and a
paradigm of ‘scientific rationality’.
● Unrestrained spread of irresponsible
capitalism – poorly regulated.
● Faith is increasingly placed in the
rational, scientific, the military and the technological - for the
determination of direction and values. Institutionalism results.
20 years
ago, Peter Senge pointed out the dangers of a “shifting the burden” dynamic
becoming imbedded in our culture. He explains that this is similar to relieving
(solving) a headache (symptom) with an aspirin (technology/ scientific
solution) - instead of addressing the fundamental cause (over-commitment/ worry/
stress). We have allowed a shifting of the burden to science and technology.
Instead of addressing human development we have increased our reliance on
technology for solutions to symptomatic problems, all the while reducing our
human qualities and capacities. A trap. (Senge, P. et al. 2004)
● A backlash against perceived/ real absence
of justice and fairness, or threats to “narrow self- interest” (threats of globalisation,
military might, being disenfranchised – may come from a number of sources, for
example marginalised gender and race groups, those with low and declining economic
status, indigenous peoples …)
Arising consequences and mind-sets
These forces and factors result in the
following consequences and mindsets (conscious and unconscious) and become the
prevalent cultural and behavioural norms:
● Focus on acquisition, extrinsic values –
with esteem & status dependent on material ‘success’ – the self is
increasingly defined (certainly informed) by others. (The ancient Hebrew for pride – that goes
before a fall – is gāôn, a haughty, arrogant, ‘swelling excellence’)
● Accent is on productivity, competition and
wealth. And dominance. A small ‘Elite’ holds the wealth, media, technology
thrust, power. Exploitation and degradation of the environment, society and
long-term economic health is inevitable. Centralised banks ‘box’ the
capabilities of and control the non-elite.
● Projection of our ‘shadow’ side onto others
is habitual. Falsehoods and naming and blaming cause wide separation and
polarisation. Fragmentation of collective conscience is wide and deep.
(Psychiatrist
M. Scott Peck relays the My Lai incident in South Vietnam in 1968, where
members of the United States Army killed 500 to 600 unarmed villagers. Years
later, he was appointed by the Army Surgeon General as chairman of a committee
given the task of making recommendations about undertaking psychological
research–to understand and help prevent such incidents in future. The
committee’s recommendations were rejected for fear of embarrassing the status
quo. The organisation, the US Army, protected itself. Scott Peck explains
lucidly that group pathology was at play even though each killing was an
individual act. He points out that different levels, as well as different
departments within a hierarchy, can experience a ‘fragmentation of conscience’,
especially under conditions of stress). (Scott Peck, M. 1988)
● Hate-led solutions to conflict and
difference are sought – often a function of intense and continually reinforced
identification with one’s own views, a growing fear of and contempt for
opposing views (within a general climate of antagonism, angry rhetoric and
declining relating-competencies). A super-hero complex/ mentality may emerge at
individual, organisation and nation-state levels. It also seems that hurt turns
to despair and/or anger and hatred as over time the disenfranchised remain
unheard and powerless, and their cause may move from a drive for recognition - to
restoration - to retribution - to revenge – to a desire to become dominant – a
backlash.
● Greed, corruption and exploitation by major
economic players (banks, big oil, finance, pharma, chemicals, pesticides, soft
drinks, fashion, arms, tech …) is rampant (notwithstanding the
commercialization of principles, purpose, virtues…) The political, social and
economic landscape is characterized by the distorting primacy of 4IR (the
fourth industrial revolution), the immediacy of communications (‘world in my
living room’), digital and technological manipulations. Corporate focus is
largely on techno-savvy, agility, survival and profit maximisation (often
unstated as an aim). All these factors hasten a distinct trend to
dehumanisation. (Exacerbated by deprivation, hunger and thirst, famine,
disease, conflict)
● Major and potentially lasting shifts in our
moral, perceiving and connecting capacities become evident. Relating is
shallow, thinking is muddled, powers of concentration in decline, the nature of
our existential ‘being’ is confused. Connection with the ‘divine’ or anything
higher than or outside of self, is weakened or severed.
Areas where new minds are called for
This places the onus on ‘enlightened’ thinkers
to encourage properly - considered collective choices in the following areas:
● Recovery of social conscience and social
justice employing citizen-participation and morally - steered systemic-knowing
approaches (Rajagopalan, R. (2020) in communities, and NOT more and more
knee-jerk legislation to increase government and power-elites control-based on
solutions that are not holistic and that serve political self-interest
● Re imagined purpose, meaning, and
actualisation (bottom up) with acceptance of different forms of leadership (but
characterised by being in tune, compassionate and courageous)
● Regeneration and stewardship of planet,
society, economic principles. Cooperative and ongoing balancing of local and
global trading and support interactions according to higher values
● Valuing of civility, honour, respect,
freedom of personal choice, collaboration, and compassion. Simultaneous halting
of moral decline. And healing of collective psychic traumas, numbness, denial,
avoidance See: https://www.businessballs.com/blog/compassion-graham-williams/
● Resurgence of ‘spirituality’, the arts,
cultural pursuits (shifting from a technological paradigm to a nature paradigm),
being compassionate
● Education of the populace in reasoned
thinking, existential reflection, listening, self-disclosure, non-dualistic
thinking, sound dialogue. (This will hasten the regaining of lost citizen-
participation and their weightier influence in a practical democracy).
● Reintroduction of close, warm, meaningful
relating and communicating, being prosocial and empathic, and upholding the
primacy of higher human virtues. Community. Reversal of simplistic projection
of ‘evil’ onto others, teaching win-win and giving/ sharing mentalities.
Promoting the spread of true information and reasonable opinion. Appropriate
appreciation and harnessing of the richness of diversity within a shared
belonging framework (A counter to what William James described: “No more
fiendish punishment could be devised, were such a thing physically possible,
than that one should be turned loose in society and remain absolutely unnoticed
by all the members thereof”.
We cannot allow the trends elucidated above
and captured graphically here, and which have caused our current sickness as a
society, to continue by our commission or omission. Trends harming humanity:
click to enlarge
One consequence of these trends is a
culmination in grand colonialism. In South Africa the colonialism of apartheid
pales against the new colonialism – the current ANC greed and power lust, the
total domination and control of the political, economic and human rights arenas
through laws, discrimination and menticide. Which in turn pales against the
global - ‘elitist’ determination to colonise the World!
Overcoming hate and separation, reclaiming
humankind-ness
Bolstering these disquieting societal trends
is a growing trend of narcissistic behaviours and conversations, and a culture
of misinformation, deception and lies which confront would-be story bridging
endeavours. The decline in empathy and compassion must be reversed if we are to
make progress. Ken Wilber has joined the
tirade, “if we are going to come anywhere close to ending the disasters of
. . . a society defined by its culture wars . . . a society of ethnocentric
enthusiasms claiming ultimate value, a culture wracked by indecision anchored
in post-truth confusion, a society where fully half of its members hate the
other half—then we are going to have to move from a culture of no-truth to a .
. . deliberately developmental culture”. (Wilber, K. 2017)
Dark Triad personalities tend to tell ‘Wall’
stories, and Light Triad personalities focus on ‘Bridge’ stories. The British
Psychological Society recently published a report, pretty much summed up in the
following diagram (Jarrett, C. 2019):
click to enlarge
Jungian analyst and storyteller Clarissa
Pinkola Estes says that "Overcoming narcissism is a psychological and
spiritual imperative for our times". (Estes, C.P. 2019) and narcissism
is often found alongside psychopathy and Machiavellianism, forming a ‘Dark
Triad’. According to this early research, the dark side triad is more populated
by men, mainly younger, extrinsically - driven participants. The light side is
more populated by women, older participants, those with a stable upbringing and
having a spiritual bent (intrinsically - motivated). Inherent in the light
triad are outward, growth mind-sets. (Jarrett, C. 2019) These are the voices
that need to be heard. This is the potential source of ‘bridge’ stories.
Importantly – we all carry wall and bridge stories within. Yet we see more and
more people being caught up in the ‘me first, look after number one, me only’
mind-set. This disconcerting trend causes lasting damage, lowers the integrity
and collaboration of those who are influenced. (O’Reilly, C. et al 2019) It is
the antithesis of accepting and serving others, forging bonds, and being
compassionate.
“Maybe urgency is inviting us to slow down,
to listen, to see who is here with us, to consult, and then to respond to
glimpses of possibility that peek through the fabric of the moment” – Bayo
Akomolafe, Nigerian-born philosopher, author and psychologist.
And we need to engage fully with this
meta-crisis, or zeitgeist – the cultural tone, moral and cognitive climate, and
spirit of our times.
English philosopher Roger Scruton approaches
our cultural degeneration from some different angles:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qFi0rMYuYsA
Banking expert Richard Werner explains the lies
perpetuated by banks and how centralisation is synonymous with control by a
small self – appointed elite group
https://deblauwetijger.com/video/english-richard-werner-on-cbdcs-and-how-they-prepare-you-to-be-their-slave/
In an email dated 14th September
Science and Nonduality.com refer to pioneering psychotherapist and psychiatrist
Gabor Maté’s new book. It addresses wellness and wellbeing, and social health. For all its expertise and technological sophistication, Western medicine often
fails to treat the whole person ignoring how the toxicity of today’s culture
stresses the body, burdens the immune system, and undermines emotional balance”.
(Maté, Gabor Dr 2022)
https://drgabormate.com/book/the-myth-of-normal/
Bringing light, compassion, healing, change
“We have this dying civilization on the one hand that’s not
quite dead yet and something else being born that we don’t even know exactly
what it is, but we are the ones who are right in that in-between space, which
puts us in such a critical role in the larger process” – Otto Scharmer
The foundations for inner and outer healing
may lie within these connections:
click to enlarge
The panel members do not operate from a basis
of ‘tick-tock’ (linear) time, do not separate time and space, nor energy and
matter, and believe that a future can be lived now and co-created. Thus, we opt
to live as if the desired future has already emerged, introduce a new
narrative, a new zeitgeist. To usher this in we bring to bear on our being and our
doing the characteristics and ‘resources’ of heart, shared mind, dialogue and
circle dynamics, and ‘spiritual’ virtues and whole-person maturities.
Within this framework, our belief is that the
bridging- story process is an important contribution to positively
counteracting the debilitating components of Western culture that are here
described. They are aimed at the building and nurturing of new mindsets and
behavioural norms. Nothing less.
In terms of process, consider the analogy of
someone contracting an illness. An invasion by somethingharmful may take place
at the unconscious, invisible level, as may be the natural reaction of the
immune system. Later warning signs may emerge, followed by symptoms that may be
sufficiently identifiable to enable a definite diagnosis. Then antidotes and
healing remedies may be administered, and a correction occurs due to the
healing action taken. So, the inculcation and effects of cultural drivers that
have been in play are not initially noticed. Only after symptoms and their
effects appeared (and have been properly diagnosed – singly and holistically)
can the healing, corrective work begin. Rarely does spontaneous remission
happen. Rarely is healing a quick fix. Likewise, lasting bridging and
rebuilding is a longer - term process. Until the time arrives, and we can laud
a new narrative for a healed, coherent, passionate, grateful, forgiving and
compassionate society, one that we as bridging storytellers participate in creating.
We can encourage, exhort and console ourselves with Gide’s observation that “History
is fiction that did happen whereas fiction is history that might have
happened!”. (Haven, C. 2009)
In brief
Society is in a bad way, yet this itself
represents huge opportunities.
Lyrics from Leonard Cohen’s Anthem
offer explanation, hope, and surety:
“There is a crack, a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in”
When walls come tumbling down, we see each
other in new ways.
REFLECTION QUESTIONS
1. Do you feel that society
is divided, polarized, fragmented, lonely, losing a value system that promotes
cohesiveness, lacking in compassion. Abnormal? What is your own experience of
the societal trends that have been identified in this article, and have become
an integral part of our culture?
2. What, in your
view, are the main areas that urgently need light and love and normalisation …
that will help ourselves and others live a life worth breathing – with no
mundane moments!?
3. How positive are
you that we can together take opportunities, usher in a new narrative, write a
new future history - and what is the source of or reason for your hope? Does
story-bridging have a role to play for you in your endeavours?
REFERENCES
Bollas,
Christopher (2018) Meaning and melancholia: life in the age of bewilderment Routledge
Estes, Clarissa Pinkola (2019) The Understanding Narcissism Summit
November 4-13, 2019 Sounds True
Haven,
Cynthia (2009) Yalom’s Book is the Talk of Vienna … Literally Stanford
University: The Book
https://bookhaven.stanford.edu/2009/11/yaloms-when-nietzsche-wept-is-the-talk-of-vienna-literally-2
Jarrett, Christian (2019) Psychopaths and Narcissists Have Hogged the
Limelight, Now It’s Time to Explore the Saintlier Side Of Human Personality,
Say Researchers, as They Announce a Test of The “Light Triad” Traits British
Psychological Society, Research Digest 22nd March, 2019
https://digest.bps.org.uk/2019/03/22/psychopaths-and-narcissists-have-hogged-the-limelight-now-its-time-to-explore-the-saintlier-side-of-human-personality-say-researchers-as-they-announce-a-test-of-the-light-triad-traits/
Maté, Gabor Dr (2022) The Myth of Normal:
trauma, illness and healing in a toxic culture Penguin Publishing Group
Maté, Gabor Dr (2022) The Undeniable Link
of Illness and Wellbeing to our Collective Ecosystem Collective Trauma
Summit 6th October 2022
https://collectivetraumasummit.com/speaker-talks
O’Reilly, Charles A.,Chatman, Jennifer and
Doerr, Bernadette (2019) When ‘Me’ Trumps ‘We’: narcissistic leaders and the
cultures they create Working Paper 3809. August, 2019. Graduate School of
Business, Stanford University
https://www.gsb.stanford.edu/faculty-research/working-papers/when-me-trumps-we-narcissistic-leaders-cultures-they-create
Peat,
F. David (1996) Infinite Potential: the nature of formative causation
Helix Books
Rajagopalan, Raghav (2020) Immersive
Systemic Knowing: Advancing Systems Thinking Beyond Rational Analysis Springer
Scott Peck, M (1988) People of the Lie: The Hope for Healing
Human Evil Century Hutchinson
Scruton,
Roger (2020) How Modern Culture is Degenerating You Tube:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qFi0rMYuYsA June 18th, 2020
Senge,
Peter; Scharmer, C. Otto; Jaworski, Joseph and Flowers, Betty Sue (2004) Presence:
exploring profound change in people, organizations and society Society for
Organizational Learning
Werner,
Richard (2022) Richard Werner on CBDC’s and How They Prepare You to be Their
Slave
https://deblauwetijger.com/video/english-richard-werner-on-cbdcs-and-how-they-prepare-you-to-be-their-slave/
Wilber, K (2017) Trump and a Post-Truth
World: an evolutionary self-correction Integral Life
Williams, Graham; Gargiulo, Terrence and
Banhegyi, Steve (2022) Story Bridging: create the connections and
possibilities that build bridges Books33 India
