LizzieVanZyl
who died in the British Concentration Camp in Bloemfontein,
South Africa during the 2nd Anglo-Boer War. In the public domain
“If you are distressed by anything external, the
pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you
have the power to revoke at any moment” - Marcus Aurelius, Roman Emperor
“Christ’s fundamental
contribution to humanity came from nine words. When Christ was nailed to a cross,
he said, ‘Forgive them father, they know not what they do’. What kind of man was that?” - Kurt Vonnegut, American author and atheist
SUFFERING
In a me-first world of war, environmental
destruction and degradation, shortages, inequality, climate change, conflict
politics, poverty, disease, corruption, abuse, greed, uncertainty.
Suffering results and abounds.
Suffering results and abounds.
We all suffer. Some of us have deep, hidden
hurts. We are not alone - we are in this life together.
There is some comfort in that.
Suffering and life are like horse and cart. As C.S. Lewis wrote, “Try to exclude the possibility of suffering which the order of nature and the existence of free wills involve, and you find that you have excluded life itself”. (Lewis, C.S. 2012)
There is some comfort in that.
Suffering and life are like horse and cart. As C.S. Lewis wrote, “Try to exclude the possibility of suffering which the order of nature and the existence of free wills involve, and you find that you have excluded life itself”. (Lewis, C.S. 2012)
The Covid-19 pandemic has highlighted this
existential suffering, in the form of
A looming spectre of a post-Covid-19 World is one of tight government regulation and control, and the acceleration of the fourth industrial revolution, artificial intelligence and robotics – a combination that hints at the potential for more government by dictate and more than a degree of de-humanisation (if we stand by and let this happen) – and which in turn will invoke new anxieties, deprivations, separations and distress for many.
- people losing their livelihoods, income and financial security;
- losing family members, friends and colleagues, due to redundancies, death and lock-down separations;
- poor mental well-being due to uncertainty, fear, suffering with the symptoms of anxiety, distress, longing, resentment, loneliness, depression.
A looming spectre of a post-Covid-19 World is one of tight government regulation and control, and the acceleration of the fourth industrial revolution, artificial intelligence and robotics – a combination that hints at the potential for more government by dictate and more than a degree of de-humanisation (if we stand by and let this happen) – and which in turn will invoke new anxieties, deprivations, separations and distress for many.
Each of us seeks to avoid our own suffering. We have different levels of tolerance to different forms of suffering. We engage with and handle our suffering in different ways.
(My friend and business partner Stéve Bánhegyi introduced
me to the Jungian concept of ‘uneigentlich
leiden - inauthentic suffering. This is a sort of self-induced suffering when
people don’t face up to what they could become, and instead whinge, assume a
victim mode, live unnecessarily in a negative state. Betray and diminish their
worth and potential. The person undermines their own personhood, and assumes “not the archetype of aspiration but the
archetype of denigration”. (Stern, E.M. et al 1986) This concept is mentioned only as a red flag, and is not discussed in this article).
We are challenged in these days to authentically face very real suffering – physical, psychological and spiritual - when it arrives.
We are challenged in these days to authentically face very real suffering – physical, psychological and spiritual - when it arrives.
FACING OUR SUFFERING
It
is natural to want to avoid suffering. I love Jesus’ honest, human “Father, if you are willing, please take this
cup of suffering away from me”, when he sees what lies ahead - “cup” being
a metaphor for a container of one’s life. (Luke 22:42)
Although far easier said than done, directly encountering and
embracing our own suffering may lead to important personal and spiritual
realizations.
The opposite of happiness, suffering is a soul matter. Democritus, nearly 2 500 years ago, pointed out that “Happiness resides not in possessions and not in gold; the feeling of happiness dwells in the soul”.
The opposite of happiness, suffering is a soul matter. Democritus, nearly 2 500 years ago, pointed out that “Happiness resides not in possessions and not in gold; the feeling of happiness dwells in the soul”.
HOW DO WE MANAGE TO
DO THIS?
In this matter of the soul, we turn to theology (and a little
bit of psychology!) to search for answers to the mystery.
(While not discounting the wisdom that resides in other religions (An ancient folk tale tells how Buddha actually met Brahma, the Hindu God), Buddhism and Christianity have many insights to offer and we draw on their wisdom and compassion here. Both Christ and the Buddha knew deep suffering.
(While not discounting the wisdom that resides in other religions (An ancient folk tale tells how Buddha actually met Brahma, the Hindu God), Buddhism and Christianity have many insights to offer and we draw on their wisdom and compassion here. Both Christ and the Buddha knew deep suffering.
Christ and the Buddha
meet. An icon written for me by Brother Richard Maidwell
There is much overlap, many subtle
differences, and a few major belief and philosophical differences between
Christianity, Buddhism, Psychology and other sources - for example the
application of mindfulness in various settings by various practitioners.
In Christianity, how personal suffering is
viewed, why it happens, and how it is responded to is a function of belief in a supreme,
eternal, creator- God. The notion of self is inherent (From Psalm
139:13, 14 - “For you created my inmost
being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb”).
In Buddhism what applies is different cycles
of reincarnation with nirvana ultimately overcoming
suffering. But not eternally. Impermanence is a factor.
Secular mindfulness as an antidote to
suffering fits fairly snugly with the Buddhist view.
Buddhism’s four noble truths are all about suffering:
·
In
life there is suffering (an illness: pain, dissatisfaction, anxiety, stress,
depression… )
·
The
cause of suffering is desire or craving (attachment)
·
To
end suffering is to end desire
·
To
end desire follow the 8-fold path
Megaphone media, celebrity culture, frenetic and shameless marketing, the (often unconscious) influence of institutions and peers - all feed our cravings
for, and addictions to wanting more possessions, power, position, status, pleasure,
and perfection - physical, intellectual, and social. This happens to such an extent (often quite subtly), that these
extrinsic drivers distort our reality, become the very basis of our self-esteem, and thus of how we respond to the World..
Freeing ourselves of these holds on us allows our minds to transform, and for compassion to take hold. We become driven more by intrinsic values like having a higher purpose, showing person-hood, caring for and serving other people and the planet, and being present. This results in relief from suffering over time.
Freeing ourselves of these holds on us allows our minds to transform, and for compassion to take hold. We become driven more by intrinsic values like having a higher purpose, showing person-hood, caring for and serving other people and the planet, and being present. This results in relief from suffering over time.
The eight-fold path consists of right understanding, right
intention, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right mindfulness
and right concentration - all interconnected and not sequential. The Christian
“fit” with this Buddhist practice is close - on many levels.
In essence the eight-fold path is about ‘leveraging’ the antidotes to suffering: mindfulness, compassion and love (for self and others).
(Psychologist Paul Gilbert developed CFT (compassion focused therapy) which matches this thinking quite closely).
In essence the eight-fold path is about ‘leveraging’ the antidotes to suffering: mindfulness, compassion and love (for self and others).
(Psychologist Paul Gilbert developed CFT (compassion focused therapy) which matches this thinking quite closely).
Right Understanding is to see the mind, body, and the World as they really are. As
a result of our personality types, exposures, experiences and conditioning we
tend to develop our own ‘reality’, which often consists of limiting beliefs,
prejudices, ignorance, and world views.
Four
overlapping world views are the:
- Material (material, scientific, capitalist, competitive),
- Spiritual (other-worldly, disconnected from reality),
- Priestly (theologians and adherents who try and connect the material and spiritual because they see the secular as something separate from the sacred, and often apply institutional dogma); and
- Incarnational (where we realistically wake up, grow up, clean up and show up). (Rohr, R. 2019)
- Material (material, scientific, capitalist, competitive),
- Spiritual (other-worldly, disconnected from reality),
- Priestly (theologians and adherents who try and connect the material and spiritual because they see the secular as something separate from the sacred, and often apply institutional dogma); and
- Incarnational (where we realistically wake up, grow up, clean up and show up). (Rohr, R. 2019)
Right Intention – a consistent focus on cultivating right
attitudes. "Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is
right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything
is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things” (Philippians 4:8)
Right Speech. To speak non-violently, truthfully, courteously and lovingly. “Don’t let any
unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building
others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen". (Ephesians
4:29)
Right Action. Behave ethically, peacefully, harmoniously, love – not seeking hedonistic pleasure. "Always treat others as you would like them to treat you …” (Matthew 7:12) “Love your neighbour as yourself” (Romans 13:10)
Right Livelihood. Make a socially, environmentally and economically responsible living – doing no harm to people or animals
and do not trade in weaponry or intoxicants. “Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone”. (Romans 12:17)
(Animals
suffer too: “In those weeks before she
died, Venus (his pet black Labrador)
somehow communicated to me that all sadness, whether cosmic, human or canine,
is one and the same … and the sadness she expressed was a divine and universal
sadness”. (Rohr, R. 2019)
I felt the
same deeply unbearable sadness when we accompanied Cody our Yorkie Rescue
family member, who had to be euthanased because of the suffering caused by his
distended liver and pancreas).
Right Effort means overcoming addiction, craving, ignorance and becoming wise and kind. "Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth”. (Colossians 3:1-3) "Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress” (1 Timothy 4:15)
Right Mindfulness. Being always fully aware and noticing the body,
mind, relationships, objects, experiences, the environment, thoughts, feelings,
words and actions. "I am fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm
139:14) "What is mankind that you are mindful of them, human beings
that you care for them” (Psalm 8:4) A mindful person relishes wisdom” (Proverbs 10:23) “Be transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Rom 12:2)
Whatever the perceived cause of suffering or
religious explanation, there is much overlap. The Christian approach may be
more about being watchful of thoughts
and actions in order to invoke prayer as part of the response.
A recently released book
titled Holy Noticing deals with the common sense and neuroscience aspects of ‘Christian mindfulness’ in some detail
(Stone, C. 2019)
Right Concentration. Being calmly observant and focused. Meditation and reflection practices
may be helpful here. "Reflect on what I am saying for the Lord will give you insight
into all this” (2 Timothy 2:7)
The Eight=fold Path is not a linear progression. Each path is equally important. The paths work together, aim at the same destination. Take the practice of forgiveness for example:
FORGIVENESS
Forgiveness
is directly related to suffering.
Forgiving
requires (from the paths): awareness, understanding,
attitude, intention, action …
If you are suffering from guilt or anger and forgive yourself; or if you
hold grudge and resentment against another, then in both instances letting go by forgiving frees you from negative feelings (suffering).
This is a way of coping, maintaining emotional balance, and bringing about healing.
If part of this deliberate process of arriving at forgiveness is seeing self and others in a different light, then forgiveness walks alongside tolerance, patience, empathy, non-dualistic thinking, and wisdom.
This is a way of coping, maintaining emotional balance, and bringing about healing.
If part of this deliberate process of arriving at forgiveness is seeing self and others in a different light, then forgiveness walks alongside tolerance, patience, empathy, non-dualistic thinking, and wisdom.
When we let go of negative emotions and forgive, then there are major
benefits with regard to mental and physical health and improved relationships.
"Loren Toussaint, an associate professor of psychology at Luther College
in Iowa, discovered that if people were highly forgiving of both themselves and
others, that characteristic alone virtually eliminated the connection between
stress and mental illness". (Souders, B. 2020)
BUT WHY DOES SUFFERING HAPPEN IN THE FIRST PLACE?
THE MYSTERY
Unfortunately, our natural
instinct is to try to fix pain, to control it, or even, foolishly, to try to
understand it. (The ego insists on understanding, not on acceptance).
But there are no answers to questions such as, ‘Why do bad things happen to good people?’, ‘Why me?’, ‘Why now?’ Suffering is a mystery, part of the human situation, and not a problem that can be solved intellectually.
But there are no answers to questions such as, ‘Why do bad things happen to good people?’, ‘Why me?’, ‘Why now?’ Suffering is a mystery, part of the human situation, and not a problem that can be solved intellectually.
But sometimes suffering can
be used to refine and grow us, “…. not to
wound or punish us, but to bring us to a Larger Identity: ‘Unless the single
grain of wheat loses its shell, it remains just a single grain’ (John 12:24).
The shell must first crack for the expanded growth to happen. In such a divine
economy, everything can be transmuted, everything can be used, and nothing is
wasted”. (Rohr. R. 2020)
And in this way suffering equips us to
comfort others (2 Corinthians 1:4).
Viktor Frankl, the Austrian psychiatrist whose
family was murdered and who was a prisoner in the Oświęcim (Auschwitz-Birkenau)
death camp in Poland that I visited several years ago while on business in Poland, and who is famous for developing logotherapy (meaning-therapy) enlightens:
“We must never forget that we may also find meaning in life even when confronted with a hopeless situation, when facing a fate that cannot be changed. For what then matters is to bear witness to the uniquely human potential at its best, which is to transform a personal tragedy into a triumph, to turn one’s predicament into a human achievement. When we are no longer able to change a situation—just think of an incurable disease such as inoperable cancer—we are challenged to change ourselves”. Frankl, like Buddha, challenges us to choose how we face our suffering, and to find meaning in it.
He teaches that our primary concern is not to avoid pain, nor is it to seek hedonistic pleasure.
Our primary concern is to see meaning in our lives, even in suffering. (Frankl, V. 2014)
“We must never forget that we may also find meaning in life even when confronted with a hopeless situation, when facing a fate that cannot be changed. For what then matters is to bear witness to the uniquely human potential at its best, which is to transform a personal tragedy into a triumph, to turn one’s predicament into a human achievement. When we are no longer able to change a situation—just think of an incurable disease such as inoperable cancer—we are challenged to change ourselves”. Frankl, like Buddha, challenges us to choose how we face our suffering, and to find meaning in it.
He teaches that our primary concern is not to avoid pain, nor is it to seek hedonistic pleasure.
Our primary concern is to see meaning in our lives, even in suffering. (Frankl, V. 2014)
The great psychosynthesis (the intersection of psychology and spirituality) pioneer Roberto Assagioli,
who went through the suffering of being imprisoned for being a passivist, put the
attitude of conscious acceptance and freedom of choice in this way when
counselling and mentoring his prodigy Piero Ferrucci. (Ferrucci was facing an
unpleasant, unavoidable, disruptive situation):
“Great. Now you will learn how to collaborate with the inevitable”. (Ferrucci, P. 2004)
“Great. Now you will learn how to collaborate with the inevitable”. (Ferrucci, P. 2004)
Paul
Gilbert, clinical psychologist and founder of Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT) refers
to our ‘new brain troubles’. From a secular
perspective he explains that as our human brains
have evolved we’ve been given the ability to imagine, contemplate, foresee, and
reflect - in short to think about the past and the future, so we now have the
potential to imagine the worst and become really anxious, and have
lingering regrets. (Gilbert, P. 2009) Forms of suffering requiring mindfulness
and compassion as antidotes.
Mindfully
focusing on the present moment is valued pretty much universally.
In the Sermon on the Mount, Christ says in
Matthew 6:34, “Take therefore no thought
for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself...” (while
of course residing in a higher, transcendent being)
END
PIECE
The message then, is that as hard and
counter-intuitive as it may seem, a wise way out of our own suffering is to develop
forgiveness and compassion.
If you are
suffering at this time, perhaps there is a modicum of solace that you can draw from Sonny,
the hotel manager of the Best Exotic
Marigold Hotel (the 2011 movie comedy based on a novel):
“Everything will be all right in the end. If it’s not all right, it is not yet the end”. (Moggach, D. 2004)
“Everything will be all right in the end. If it’s not all right, it is not yet the end”. (Moggach, D. 2004)
A personal stocktake: you may wish to do a free, confidential self-assessment
of how you are coping in the pandemic crisis situation:
(For mor information and background reading: http://storytellinginbusiness.blogspot.com/2020/06/personal-pandemic-engagement-free.html)
In your endeavours be mindful of:
From the Buddhist practice of metta, a loving kindness meditation:
May
you be safe
May
you be well
May
you be content
May
you be free from suffering
And a Celtic blessing to you:
May you have
Walls for the wind
And a roof for the rain,
And drinks bedside the fire
Laughter to cheer you
And those you love near you,
And all that your heart may desire
Walls for the wind
And a roof for the rain,
And drinks bedside the fire
Laughter to cheer you
And those you love near you,
And all that your heart may desire
REFERENCES
Deferrari, Roy J and McGuire, Martin
R. P. (Translators) (1934) Basil of
Caesarea: Address to Young Men on Reading Greek Literature In vol. 4 of Saint
Basil: The Letters,
Loeb Classical Library, 363–435.
Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press
Ferrucci, Piero (2004) What We May Be: techniques for psychological and spiritual growth
through psychsynthesis Jeremy P.
Tarcher/ Penguin
Frankl, Viktor E. (2014) Man’s Search for Meaning Beacon Press
Gilbert, Paul (2013) The Compassionate Mind Constable, London
Gilbert, Paul
(2009) The compassionate mind: a new
approach to life’s challenges Constable, London
Lewis, C.S. (2012) The Problem of Pain Collins Publishers
Martin, John (2015) Mindfulness Meditation: an orthodox approach Submitted in partial
fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Bachelor of Theology in Holy
Trinity Orthodox Seminary Jordanville, NY May 2015
Moggach, Deborah (2004) These Foolish Things Chatto and Windus, UK
Photo of Lizzie van Zyl in the British Concentration Camp in Bloemfontein, South Africa 2nd Anglo-Boer War. File:LizzieVanZyl.jpg (In the Public Domain) by http://public.fotki.com/SAgenealogie/abo/konsentrasiekampe/page2.html https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=1451054
Rohr, Richard
(2020) Why suffering? Newsletter theme: The Universal Pattern. Tuesday, April 14, 2020
Rohr, Richard (2019) The Universal Christ: how a forgotten reality can change everything we
see, hope for and believe Convergent Books (Penguin)
Stone, Charles (2019) Holy Noticing Moody Press
Souders, Beata (2020) Why
is forgiveness important? Positive
Psychology 14th February 2020
(citing: Toussaint, L., Kamble, S., Marschallm,
J., & Duggi, D. (2016). The effects of brief prayer on the experience of
forgiveness: An American and Indian comparison. Int J Psychol. 2016
Aug;51(4):288-95. doi: 10.1002/ijop.12139. Epub 2015 Jan 16).
Stern, E Mark, Gibson, Karen & Lathrop,
Donald (1986) Carl Jung and Soul
Psychology Haworth Press
