“Love
is from the infinite, and will remain until eternity” - Shahram Shiva
An ignored force in the corporate
world
One of the ‘flights of the mind’ I’ve had for
some time is the notion that the word ‘love’ will at last enter the vocabulary
of the hardnosed business world. No longer be taboo.
Sure, we might talk about loving the work
that we do, or being fond of some of the people we interact with in the world
of work, or perhaps ‘I loved the way you clinched that deal’, but that’s about
as far as it goes.
In this context love is being authentic, not
wily; being transparent and not Machiavellian;
being the wearing of your heart on your
sleeve rather than holding your cards close to your chest; trusting in the
success that comes from setting a standard; being an example rather than
outwitting an opponent. It is also about being human and realizing that the
only currency that makes for sound business relationships is a capacity to
discern motives that is borne of LOVE. It is about having a code or language
that is based on respect, validation and ‘seeing the other’.
Love and other virtues are rooted
in spirituality. The ‘whole person’ is
physical, intellectual, social, emotional and spiritual. Failing to recognise
the existence of love in the workplace is failing to address the whole person –
employee and customer, supplier, stakeholder.
The good news is that people are awakening to the possibility of virtuous organisations. There are stirrings.
Should the highest of the virtues be excluded
from the conversation? Why can’t it be recognised in the corporate world, that
“love is the single most potent force in
the universe, a cosmic impulse that creates, maintains, directs, informs …
every living thing”.1 (In the words of poet Dylan Thomas “the force that through the green fuse drives
the flower”). Without some manager asking ‘What is the business case for
this?”!
June Singer, a giant in the world of
analytical psychology, has this to say2:
“In our
concerns with counting and weighing and measuring, with precise descriptions
and careful evaluation, we sometimes fail to recognise or give credit to values
that do not fit these criteria. Or, when we do recognise that such values
exist, we split them off from the consciousness of the marketplace and relegate
them to the categories of religion or the arts”.
Too often we do our work in places where the
love of power (in many forms) is more important than the power of love.
Being human, we do respond to love
Soon after the
funeral of Diana, Princess of Wales, I wrote: “the event may have signalled major shifts in a number of areas.
Psychologists - Freudians analysing compulsions, drives and fears, Jungians
pointing out how archetypal stories find their way into people's hearts -
sociologists, communicators, legislators, have all analysed and had their say.
What seems to emerge from this, the biggest-ever globally shared event, is that
ordinary people all over the world:
o
long
to relate at the simple, real, basic, human level. They are attracted to
perceived generosity, transparency and honesty, love
o
believe
that every person has the right to choose what they, do, without interference
or domination
o
wish
that civility was more greatly valued and practised in society
o
are
fed up with 'establishment' bureaucracy and constraints
o
are
touched by the value of serving others
o
want
to break out of the cycle of victimisation of which they believe they are a
part
o
look
for aspirational role models.
It seems to me that Diana, Princess of Wales - loving, lovable and
real - has recently made visible and re-awakened feelings, beliefs and values
that are strongly held all over the world”.3
Similarly,
Desmond Tutu, by his humour and humanity points to a higher scale of values and
interactions. And makes himself easy to love.
So too of
course did the life and death of Mother Teresa of Calcutta. And little-known but as significant:
Studdert Kennedy was an army chaplain who bucked the incompetent
bureaucracy that resulted in so many unnecessary First World War casualties. He
refused to give safe, cosy, sermons behind the lines, and chose instead to
spend his time with the common soldiers in horrific conditions in the trenches,
not preaching, but just being with them; coming alongside them in their need.
He'd often hand out a Woodbine cigarette, and became known as Woodbine Willy.
Years later when he died, his simple funeral was attended by hundreds of
thousands of people. A single packet of Woodbines was placed on top of the
coffin.4
A
gesture that would not be quite as acceptable today perhaps, but in. its time,
a demonstration of the appeal of relating at the basic human level, being
civil, serving others, being a role model through action, ignoring the
establishment in order to do the right thing, showing love, staying true to his
values. After the war, he continued to give away all his possessions and
earnings, while campaigning for the eradication of poverty through a change of
values. One of his poems:
Waste of Muscle, waste of
Brain,
Waste of Patience, waste of
Pain,
Waste of Manhood, waste of
Health,
Waste of Beauty, waste of
Wealth,
Waste of Blood, and waste
of Tears,
Waste of Youth’s most
precious years,
Waste of ways the Saints
have trod,
Waste of Glory, waste of
God, – War!
Love is transformational
The songwriters got it right: ‘Love hurts’ and ‘Love changes everything’.
Clarissa Pinkola Estés tells of a time when as a young woman she taught
poetry, cooking and sexuality to hardened, teenage female inmates.5
Prison culture and behaviours made this a tough assignment. Mother fucker was
an oft-used phrase in that world. The word ‘fucker’ a favourite tattoo. That
was the harsh reality.
Estés
focused their attention on, and over time created a picture of and told stories
about each letter:
An extension of the f turned it into the staff of the shepherd who
watches over his flock as a mother watches over her child
u depicted a
broken sun, o a full sun of a precious, shining life
t combined
with c became a cross on a hill
h overlaid
on k showed two more crosses
e became the
all-seeing eye of God
And the
inmates decided that r should be a symbol of the Blessed Mother and
roses – sweet, free, new life.
This wasn’t
an intellectual exercise but love in practice. Through story and metaphor
(reaching through at different levels), a new favourite tattoo was born, lives
changed.
Love touches us powerfully
13th
century poet, Sufi mystic and founder of the Whirling Dervishes, saw love as a
fundamental creative force. In his love for the Dervish Shamsoddin Tabriz he
discovered a transformational love for the Divine, a communion with the
infinite. His was a religion of intoxicated love, spiritual transformation which
resulted when one broke free from the bondage of self and one’s heart opened. “Falling in love took me away from academia
and reading the Koran so much”.
He believed that
our true natures need to be rediscovered. Then we can transcend normal,
accepted behaviours – such as those so often evident in today’s stifling
workplaces – and reach our true potential. “Not knowing his own self, man has
come from a high estate and fallen into lowliness. He has sold himself cheaply;
he was satin yet he has sown himself onto a tattered cloak …. If you could only
see your own beauty – for you are greater than the sun! Why are you withered
and shrivelled in this prison of dust?” 6
As Jean Houston puts
it, “To explore the life of Rumi is to explore a path of illumination through
love”. 6
Rumi’s
experience is echoed by St Teresa of Avila:
”When he pulled it (the spear) out I felt that he took them with it, and
left me utterly consumed by the great love of God. The pain was so severe that
it made me utter several moans. The sweetness caused by this intense pain is so
extreme that one cannot possibly wish it to cease, nor is one's soul content
with anything but God. This is not a physical but a spiritual pain, though the
body has some share in it—even a considerable share”.
Our own experience may be of lesser intensity of course!
Love at work
If an employee is
suddenly bereaved because a family member suicides or dies, compassionate
engagement and respect, and leave arrangements is crucial. A recognition of pain and loss is all that is
needed, and implicit is the permission given for someone to be able to grieve.
Grief is not an illness but a natural process that helps create equilibrium
again. A client whose daughter had suicided once told me that her manager said,
two weeks after the death of her daughter, ‘It is time you were over this now’.
Translated this means ‘You are not productive – stop wasting office time’! Another
employee was dying and the company insisted she have pay deducted after her
sick pay was used up.
By contrast I know
of a law firm whose partner had a son die suddenly. They gave her paid leave
for three months because they valued her as a partner. Allowed her time to
grieve. Another employee ‘s experience was to get a terminal diagnosis and then
to be paid her full salary until she died nine months later. This kind of heart
response earns the respect of other employees - as managers act in a way where
love does not care about the precedent set in terms of others expecting the
same.
It
comes down to behaviours.
If
we believe that love has value, is important, we can show it by:
o
Listening.
Taking the time to listen attentively to a colleague who is feeling
down. Without filtering, analysing,
judging, suggesting solutions. “Listening
is an act of love”. (Paul Tillich)
o
Leaving a handwritten note on someone’s
desk when they’ve done a good job
o
Anonymously commending someone for
recognition and reward
o
Stepping in when another is
overburdened or overwhelmed, even at an inconvenient time. Being motivated by
the ideal of helping others or serving some higher cause forms part of what
Zohar and Marshall term ‘spiritual intelligence’. 8
o
Seeking to understand someone who is
different to yourself – which leads to appreciation, respect, rapport, empathy,
unconditional acceptance
o Seeing the person behind the issue (be this absenteeism,
grievance …)
o Recognising in the
Japanese ‘wabi sabi’ way, beauty in imperfection
o
Allowing others time to think for themselves,
draw on their own resources without undermining that ability. Nancy Kline
argues well for this.9
o Volunteering for
mundane tasks without self-interest.
o
As a leader, relinquishing over-control, letting
go and honouring subordinates with the power to make decisions, solve problems.
The principle of subsidiarity.10
Subsidiarity
was first enunciated by Pope Leo XIII.
The principle of subsidiarity holds that ‘it is an injustice, a grave evil and a disturbance of right order for a
large and higher organisation to arrogate to itself functions which can be
performed efficiently by smaller and lower bodies . . . To steal people’s
decisions is wrong . . . Subsidiarity means giving away power.’ The Concise
Dictionary of Theology (HarperCollins, London, 1991) describes subsidiarity as,
‘From the Latin meaning ‘assistance’, a
principle consistently endorsed by the social teaching of the Church according
to which decisions and activities that naturally belong to a lower level should
not be taken to a higher level’.
Although applied mainly to situations such as
the relationship between rich and poor nations, or between state, regional and
local powers within a country, the principle is also relevant to organisations
and the behaviour of groups and individuals within organisations.
There are a thousand ways of practicing random acts of kindness.
"The now fashionable EQ (Emotional Intelligence) refers to our ability to deal with emotions and feelings in others, and ourselves, which is the basis of all human relationships …... In conventional psychological terms this may well be so, but however accurately it describes our emotional skills, isn’t it just another way of describing what I prefer to call “Dharma at Work” and the benefits of its practical application?” 11
The tendency in business is to
undervalue or even ignore the practicing of virtues, and instead adopt a
watered-down, token addressing of issues – such as emotional intelligence,
corporate social and environmental responsibility programmes, employee
motivation.
And caring, loving behaviours can move from inside - out to the wider society: poverty, environment, education …..
Start with Love for Self
But first, we must break down our defences against love.
Often because we are wounded in love we close
off against love. We become prickly, offended, hurt and angry. We become
difficult to love. We then stay in downward circles that disconnect us from
ourselves and others.
Searching for and drawing meaning from outside of our selves, from our
power, position or possessions, is an invitation to disillusionment. Possessing a deep
inner knowledge that we are important, worthy and secure as a result of who we
really are – loving ourselves, allows
us to maintain perspective, remain congruent and consistent, and be resilient
during times of uncertainty.
Along the journey of life we uncover our
‘true self’, become more authentic, and become more able to love others as we
find:
o Balancing. (A woman may lose balance, become
out of touch with her womanly sensuality and seductiveness through being in a
boring dull, routine relationship; or becoming too powerful and career driven;
overactive and unbalanced feminism, or an all-embracing focus on mothering)
o Lightening. (A powerful man-king may feed his
tyrant dark side to the extent that he loses touch with his serving, wise side
(something seen in psychopathic business leaders); or an overprotective mother
may fail to liberate her children, or a magician/ trickster may use cunning and
deviousness to manipulate instead of to solve problems and respond positively
to change challenges. Embracing our shadow side means dealing with the
uncomfortable, the uncertain, the ambiguous. 12
As this Sieger Koder painting suggests we
find ourselves, and love of self, in the depths.
Love is the highest virtue
Love is the highest virtue. It umbrellas all
other virtues. It has a key place in the virtuous organisation.
Being in the love
zone is exhilarating. It even trumps being in the flow zone: "I discovered
a new unity with nature. I had found a new source of power and beauty, a source
I never dreamed existed" – (Roger Bannister, the first man to run a mile in less than 4
minutes).
Two poems to reflect on:
AUSTRIAN POET ERICH FRIED:
Rationality
says
it is nonsense
Love says
it is what it
is
Reckoning says
it is doom
Fear says
it is nothing
but sorrow
Insight says
It is hopeless
Love says
it is what it
is
Pride says
it is
ridiculous
Caution says
it is reckless
Experience says
it is
impossible
Love says
it is what it
is
HAFIZ (14th century Persian mystic and poet): I Know the way you can get
I know the way
you can get
When you have not had a drink of Love:
Your face hardens, Your sweet muscles cramp.
Children become concerned
About a strange look that appears in your eyes
Which even begins to worry your own mirror And nose.
Squirrels and birds sense your sadness
And call an important conference in a tall tree.
They decide which secret code to chant
To help your mind and soul.
Even angels fear that brand of madness
That arrays itself against the world
And throws sharp stones and spears into
The innocent And into one's self.
O I know the way you can get
If you have not been drinking Love:
You might rip apart
Every sentence your friends and teachers say,
Looking for hidden clauses.
You might weigh every word on a scale
Like a dead fish.
You might pull out a ruler to measure
From every angle in your darkness
The beautiful dimensions of a heart you once
Trusted.
I know the way you can get
If you have not had a drink from Love's Hands.
That is why all the Great Ones speak of
The vital need
To keep remembering God,
So you will come to know and see Him
As being so Playful
And Wanting,
Just Wanting to help.
That is why Hafiz says: Bring your cup near me.
For I am a Sweet Old Vagabond
With an Infinite Leaking Barrel
Of Light and Laughter and Truth
That the Beloved has tied to my back.
Dear one, Indeed, please bring your heart near me.
For all I care about Is quenching your thirst for freedom!
All a Sane man can ever care about Is giving Love!
References
1. Encyclopedia
of Religion
2. Singer,
June The Power of Love to transform
our lives and our world
Nicolas-Hays, Inc. Maine 2000
3. Williams, Graham Centre-ing Customer Satisfaction Centre-ing Service, Cape Town 2000
4. Target, George Words that have Moved the World Bishopsgate Press, London 1987
5. Estés, Clarissa Pinkola Untie the Strong Woman Sounds True,
Boulder, Colorado 2011
6. Houston, Jean
Ph.D The Search for the Beloved Jeremy
P.Tarcher/ Putnam NY 1987
7. Gian Lorenzo Bernini, Ecstasy of St. Teresa, 1645-52 (Cornaro
Chapel, Santa Maria della Vittoria, Rome)
8. Zohar, Danah & Marshall, Ian Spiritual Capital: wealth we can
live by Bloomsbury 2004
9. Kline, Nancy Time to Think Ward Lock, Cassell Illustrated London 1999
10. Handy, Charles The Age of Unreason Harvard Business School
Press, Boston, Massachusetts, 1989
11. Chanchaochai, Danai Dharma Moments Nicholas Brealey Publishing 2006
12. Johnson, Robert A. Owning Your Shadow HarperSanfrancisco
1991
